The Writer's Blogger's block

Every night, just before drifting off to sleep, these awesome brilliant ideas pop up in my mind, about something that i should write. I'll get nice awesome words and sentences as well, that I’ll decide to put on the blog first thing in the morning. I am quite determined to remember them till the morning as well, trying to memorize the ideas and words!! Getting up then and writing is not something that i do...

And the next morning starts with getting up late and hurrying to cook breakfast and lunch before D leaves. And then I sit with my laptop, along with my bowl of breakfast, and may be the TV ON too... And as a pre-programmed application, my fingers first open the Facebook and go down the feed from all friends, all updates useful, useless and the links and the forwards (shares) and so on... And also some notifications on friends liking or commenting on my posts... And then the blogs to check for new comments and stats... I'm talking about my food blog here; that is a more happening place than this one! And then the blog updates of other bloggers and pals... And then some news may be, and I just completely forget the idea of writing, let alone the most-determined-to-remember ideas... Huh!

And after all these I feel a bit sad that a brilliant idea is not recorded :(

The idea of writing a great post has just got dissolved....

Hmm... I know I should not let this happen... I should concentrate more on writing and give more importance to it...

Hope it happens soon...

The Age Factor

'While how old you are is not in your hands, how old you feel, definitely is!'

Recently a blog friend of mine posted something on being 30, some positive aspects of it. I liked the post and left a comment on the lines of agreeing with her and mentioning of sailing in the same boat. And her reply was “Man u n thirty..U don’t look a day older than 25..Rock on”

He he! Obviously this made me gleam and grin from ear to ear. This is not the first time that such a thing has happened. Many a time, people belive that I am much younger than I actually am. I believe it’s because of my appearance…. I hope not it is because I am childish or so :)

A couple of months back when I accompanied mom to Mysore for her exams (Ohh yeah, she is definitely younger than me…. She’s doing a degree now), an old lady, at whose house we stayed asked me what I’m studying! Then when she was told that I’m working in so and so company and am married for so and so years, she was astonished. And I was more astonished, that I can still pass for a student!

It does feel good when someone makes a remark like that, doesn’t it? At least for me it does. I feel good when someone asks me something like ‘what are you studying?’ or comments like ‘You look like a school girl. Can't say you are married by looking at this picture.’(a blog friend when she first saw my pic in FB).

Ok… some pondering over these incidents gave me some enlightenment yesterday, and i came up with the quote on top! That I should not feel like thirty and should instead feel five years younger. That gave me a strange joy…. That makes me believe in being able to do all that I wanted to and couldn’t in the last five years… That made me feel like living all those years and more once again, all over with a fresh start! And finally it made me younger than what I am… Believe me it makes wonders!

Thanks to all of you whose comments helped me in this realization :)

‘Weight’age

BIL’s wedding just got over last week. And time for another wedding - sis’s.

I was supposed to reduce a couple of kilos before the wedding. Not that I’m obese, just a couple of kilos of shed-able weight, that’s all! But just as I started back my exercise regime, there were some unforeseen situations that weight loss was the last thing I could think of.

House repainting was just about to get over, with all the mess from attic down on the floor in all the rooms, which did require all our attention. Just then there was MIL falling off a bike and breaking her nose and jaw and getting admitted to hospital twice including for a minor surgery, four weeks before her son’s wedding…. And so the wedding work - like inviting ppl and other stuff got doubled up and was topped with the hospital work and also everyday cooking work, till she felt better. Now, all these including our regular office work.

For me all these were definitely on a much higher priority as compared to losing those extra couple of kilos. Well, I don’t mean I’m not bothered about it, but then, though I might not absolutely like it, looking a little plump in the wedding is actually ok for me, given these circumstances.

While most of the relatives complimented that I looked good, one colleague who is obsessed with just looking slim made comments after comments that I looked fat. May be a darker coloured saree would have made me look thinner, maybe I should have worked out more, maybe I should have stretched and bent just before the occasion and so on…

When I looked at my own pic later, I felt I did look plumper than usual, but the reason why most people said I looked good was probably because they gave more weightage to the way I had been handling things, my behaviour and the way I treat them all gracefully, rather than just my actual weight :).

As far as I am concerned, I’m happy with my prioritization, I’m glad that everything went on well, in spite of all the tensions there were, and I looked and behaved my best, which I what most people and myself will remember about me. Very few people will remember the little fat here and there and that is ok!

That said, I don’t mean I’ll not reduce :D

So... what's your weight-age??

Old friends and Unforgotten Gifts!

Recently I found an old good friend on Facebook. Apparently she had recently joined FB and I had found her with some difficulty. The last we had spoken to each other was about 4-5 years ago, though I’d remember quite often.

So when I pinged her, here was the exchange of messages we had...

Me: Hi Nxxxx! How are you doing?? Hope u remember me...

She: Very happy to see your note Sumxxx... xxxxxxxxxxx... Ofcouse I do remember you... I still use your Bon voyage key chain... Do you recall giving that to me when I left to US?

Me: Xxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxx
I don't remember the key chain, but was happy about that! Well, I too am still using the hair clip you had bought for me and Hema in Seoul!

She: I forgot about the hair clip... but happy you are using it... xxxxxxxxxxxxxx... let me know your number... lets talk sometime.

Well, she had bought me and another friend a hair clip each and I still have treasured it. Whenever I use it, I mention it to D about her! And apparently I had bought her a key chain which she too is using! Both of us remembered the gifts we had got, but had forgotten the ones that we had given!

Isn’t it good to count your gifts?

'Home'less :(

Where did it go? I screamed. And D was also shocked to not find it there. The nest that we had been watching for the last two weeks was not there. It had disappeared completely with just a trace of a few strands of straw sticking to the branch, on which has stood this lively nest, bustling with activity till that morning. We had reached home late that day and noticed it only after dinner.

Nobody at home seemed to be aware of it, and we were given some lame justifications that it was there even in the evening, may be the birds took the nest to a different place, may be a cat would have attacked, may be some street boys had come in and stole it, the wind would have blown too hard, and so on. None of it made any sense, and tears started rolling down my cheeks.

It was the nest of a pair of sun birds, hanging from a branch of hibiscus plant, just below the window lintel, and in a walk way. There was a remote chance of a cat reaching there as there was no support for it to climb up there. More over if it were a cat it’d be interested only in the bird and may be eggs, but not the entire nest itself. And the other excuses were totally dopey, not needing any considerations at all. There was no litter below, as if it had been carefully removed from its place and cast away. It sure was a human act, for only humans can be so meticulously destructive.

The female bird had built it all the way, while the male had given her company. And she had laid egg(s) too, for she was incubating them day and night. How joyful had I been when I discovered it right on the first day. We had observed it throughout the nest building and now incubating period, I even took notes everyday, religiously. And were waiting for the chicks to come out, I had clandestinely planned to take a day off to sit and see them... but that day never came.

I wept and wept, while D too was very upset and started searching around for any clues, or for the nest itself, if it was lying around somewhere. But there was none. Somehow, this one was so close to our heart... We were as joyful as if it were our own home, and it were our own babies to be born soon. And now, it was gone without a single clue. We hardly had any sleep and even the little naps were full of dreams.

And in the morning, I had got so used to listening to their chirps even before I got out of my bed. I can now make out various bird calls, even without seeing them. I know exactly which bird starts chirping first and which follows next, every morning, though I’d still be in bed and listening. And as soon as I heard the sunbirds’ call we rushed out and saw the female fret about around the branch that held her nest. And the male was there too. They frantically searched around as if the gone nest would reappear again. It made me sadder and more tears rolled down my cheeks. After a few minutes, the male signaled and they both flew off, out of sight. I just hoped that they forget about this and build a new nest again at a safer place and restart their family.

But I was wrong. They didn’t seem to have given up so soon. Through out the morning, they came about together, every few minutes, to check if there was any hope. How can there be any?!

They searched around in the bushes, sat on my bike, searched in other plants nearby, cried to each other... I guessed that they knew it the previous evening itself, and still came back in the morning, because all these days the female used to spend the nights in the nest.

Every time I heard them or saw them, my heart broke... I could so well understand their pain...

Novel-tears!

Little Hima: Atte, are you angry with me?

I nod as a ‘no’

Atte, I simply scolded you, for not telling ABC when I was playing teacher-teacher.... it was just for playing, ok?

I nod

Atte, am I a bad girl?

I nod again, trying to smile

Atte, why are you crying? Are you not well?

I nod

Atte, don’t cry.... did thatha-ajji scold you?

I nod

Dee comes in and starts teasing me and laughing at me.

Atte, did mava scold you or fight with you?

She looks at D and scolds him that he is making me cry.

I nod again, tell her that he didn’t do anything, wiping my tears and trying to smile....

Atte, don’t cry ok?

She gets a towel and wipes my cheeks; I give a bigger smile...

She looks at the book in my hands,

Atte, did your boss scold you because you didn’t read the book?

I nod, take her on my lap, hug her and start laughing...

I show her the book in my hand - ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ and tell her that I was crying over the characters in the novel.... she’s all the more confused, she can’t comprehend that someone can cry reading something.... and I just smile at her innocence... Why can't everything be just as innocent in the world?

People Change, don't they?

People Change, with time, don't they?

Me, you, he, she, there is no one who doesn't change.

Of course change is an essential and integral part of our lives, but why is it that sometimes it gets so difficult to accept those?

Why is it that we tend to continue to have the same kind of expectations that we had a long long ago.... and when the expectations are not met, we brood over it!

More than change in circumstances, it is the change in people's attitude that hurts bothers me more. How right is it to be goody-goody When you are in need, and to have a 'i don't care' attitude when you don't?

Ok... so there were some posts in draft versions that i had started off in the past few week and left it unfinished just because i didn't feel like completing and posting... Today, when i looked back i felt like posting one of them as it was, rather than just discarding it! I didn't even feel like continuing it as the feeling when i wrote it is no longer applicable now :), but posted it anyways!

The first showers

It rained last night; the first showers of the year. All the heat that had started accumulating is cooled down now. Everything seemed to have calmed down this morning. The rains had washed away all the dirt, and all the dust had settled down.

The roads looked so clean this morning, and the trees so beautiful and cheerful, in spite of having lost their leaves. Though barren and dry after the fall, the trees now seemed to have got a new hope to grow new leaves. And the birds were cheerfully chirping and seemed to be getting ready to build their nest for breeding this season. There is a fresh look to everything around. Everything seems to have started life afresh, anew.
It was such a pleasure to drive to work this morning.

The wolf and the kid

There was this kid who lived in a cottage in the woods with her mother. When the baby threw tantrums and cried, the mother warned her that if she cried, she would give her away to the wolf in the woods. The wolf, passing by, heard this and stopped out of the door, waiting. The kid soon stopped crying and the wolf heard the mom and kid happily play inside. It stayed there still waiting, hoping the kid would cry again, and that the mother would give her off to him.

The kid did cry again, the next day making the wolf happy and hopeful for a moment, when he heard the mother say the same words. The wait was again in vain, since the mother and kid yet again started playing joyfully inside.

This went on everyday, with the wolf waiting patiently, hoping and losing hope, rather than finding an alternative to find his food and live, while the kid happily grew up on the other side.

The wolf realized it too late that he had wasted his life being stupid to keep waiting with a false hope, for something that was never going to be.

A meaningless wait!

From scorn to smile

I wasn’t in a very good mood this morning when I started from home. When in such state my usual norm is to speed off past whoever possible on the road, and honk the horn loud and long at others who are mis-driving - my way of yelling at people when they’re not driving right and when I’m off mood.

So, today there was this small car in front of me, who I was desperate to over take and was following it at the same speed since the road was narrow. At one point the car suddenly shifted from its lane and slowed down without any signal at all. I managed not to hit it, by slowing down my old active too. Got irritated more and honked loud as usual, cribbing about the guy driving.

Oh well, just at that moment, I saw a small cute little puppy, crossing the road, just in front of the car. It had just missed getting run over by the car, thanks to the mis-driven car! Immediately my mood changed, and my scorn changed to a smile. I wanted to acknowledge the driver for having saved a life, just in time.

I sped faster, and came parallel to this car - turned and smiled at the middle aged gentleman on the driving seat. He too got my point and smiled back heartily.
Well, now I no longer wanted to speed past him, though I could, but instead, followed him at his pace. And I was happy rest of the day :)

Silver lines

Those two lines of silver
Remind me that Time,
For no one does wait
And flies off fast

Those two lines of silver
Urge me to do
All that I want to,
At a faster pace

Those two lines of silver
Tell me that a nice big piece
Of this beautiful life
Is already gone

How I often wish
Those two lines of silver
Never made their presence
At all! But...

Let there be no lines of silver
At least on the mind and heart
For I want to stay
Young at heart, Forever and ever.

Happy New Year 2011! And a peek into 2010...

Happy New Year 2011!

So, how was 2010?
Well, for me it was quire uneventful, I must say. It was neither too great, nor was it that bad. It was just ok, with nothing much happening.

To keep up the tradition of summarizing the previous year like always, here I go.

Trips and Travel:
There was no travel at all for the first 3-4 months of the year. The first one being in late April to Munnar and Thekkady by drive! It was a wonderful trip, especially loved the drive of 500+km one way on amazingly good roads. Started doing a bit of birding, in a very amateurish way. Receiving a cute little birthday present on a drizzling morning, out of the car on a deserted road from Munnar to Thekkady was the highlight ;)

In July, there was another quick travel to Kodur, Shimoga with inlaws, again by car, and a little more birding!

August, as always is the worst month for me. This year also, it was no different. Too much of work, too many poojas (it being generally Shravana masa), and added to it, some health issues:(. Huh, how I wish there is no August in the calendar!

August and September also had some early morning or evening visits to some nearby places for birding. Learnt some basics of birding from seasoned birders meanwhile.

October, as always is a promising month, with some special trip-of-the-year planned! And this time it was to the west most part of India - Rajasthan, primarily around Jaisalmer.

November had a surprise in store - a naturalist training in JLR, Bannerghatta, got to know some wonderful and inspiring people, and a whole new world of naturalists (and to be) opened up in front of us.

Early December had another short visit to Mandagadde, Shimoga, Bhadravathi, and late December had a marathon trip to Chitradurga, Hampi, Magadi kere, Davangere, etc.
So, this is all about the trips!
Oooh hasn’t this been a birding-year? Yes, it surely was :)

Work - it’s been a great year work wise, with things going smooth for me in spite of some turbulence around.

On the personal front, however, there has been not much of progress, except of course, me growing older by another year and also wiser! None of the few set milestones were met, nothing great happened.
Anyways, it was quite a good year and enjoyed it.

Hoping 2011 will be the year of milestones! Once again a Happy New Year to one and all.

Twosome - Two‘Sum’

There are always two ‘Sum’s within me.....
One who is happy and another who is sad, a pessimist and an optimist. One wants to forgive and forget and another keeps remembering and wants revenge. One is quite selfish and another utterly selfless. One is calculative of all petty things and another very liberal about even bigger things. One who decides not to do any good to someone and another who, in the next instant offers to help the same someone! One tries to be cheerful all the time, and another gets depressed in a fraction of a second. One loves anyone and anything and another one thinks she hates everyone and everything.
There is a constant combat between these two. This moment it is one Sum and the next, it is the other. Now one rules and at after now, ruled over by the other. Am I bad or am I good?

Why are there two me’s in me?
Are there two you’s in you too?

More lessons

Ok, so after just a couple of days of listing those sad lessons, here are some more, but in contrast to the previous one!
- Family always ranks first when it comes to support during hard times. Though we may crib about family members about petty issues, they surely back you when you most need
- Messing up with a gadget accidentally need not spoil days and nights of yours - these things happen by mistake and can be fixed. There are more important things that should be taken care not to mess up with
- All acquaintances need not be friends. And those who are real friends will remain so forever
- What you give to the world comes back to you in multi-fold. Trying giving a little happiness and you’ll be bounced back with loads of it

I wonder how mind changes from sad to happy, depressed to joyful, frustrated to content in a matter of a couple of days!

Some lessons learnt in the recent past...

• Good things do not happen to you when you’re doing good things for others
• When you want to do a favor for someone, keep in mind that you will be hit back. The bigger the favor the harder is the hit back
• There is no use in voicing your valuable opinion where people are not ready to consider it.
• Do not be too passionate about your work. You don’t actually own it though you’re expected to take ownership of it.
• People remember one bad thing that they think you’ve done and forget the nine good things they know you’ve done
• Talk only when you are sure people are ready to listen
• Most people consider you as their friend only till they are in need of your friendship. They don’t necessarily consider you once they are off to a next level.
• Be extra careful when handling expensive objects...
• The WGS attitude is not always easy to follow!

Well these are some random things that I’ve learnt recently, but will stop here.... I’m so so depressed today......

Crow and Cuckoo

The crow built a cozy little nest with her partner, working hard every day. With the nest she built many a dream of herself and her partner, living peacefully and cozily in that little nest. She got in a variety of soft material like pieces of rags, feathers, cotton pieces and so on from here and there, trying to make the place warm and cozy for her little ones. Her kids would be born there, and she would feed them well and teach them to fly. Theirs would then be a perfect little family.

The nest was then built fully; she laid eggs there, her dream getting stronger everyday. Then came in a cuckoo, when the crows were away. The cuckoo slyly pushed aside one of the crow’s eggs and lay her own in place of it and fled. The crow that was totally oblivious of her egg replaced by cuckoo’s, scrupulously continued with her work of hatching the eggs.

The cuckoo’s egg hatched first, way before her own and she was excited. She fed the little one with all her might and saw the little one grow up. By now she realized that it was not her own kid, but she continued to feed the little one, since the little one was born in her own nest, by her own warmth,a nd it was away from its parents. What she failed to notice was that in bringing up her pseudo-kid, she neglected her own eggs and had failed to hatch them.

The little cuckoo grew stronger and faster, feeding on all that was fed by its crow-mother. The crow excitedly gave lessons to the little one on how to fly. In its ambition to fly, the little one had pushed off the other unhatched eggs out of the nest while fluttering its wings. It soon learnt to fly and off it flew, and joined its cuckoo group.
Back at the nest, the crow was left alone with its partner.

Facts:
Cuckoos indeed do find a crows’ nest and lay eggs there. They are cunning enough as the male distracts the crows away from their nest, and the female quickly lays its eggs there. The cuckoo’s egg is hatched first and the little one grows faster. Meanwhile the cunning little one pushes off the crow’s eggs or the baby crows and gobbles most of the food brought in by the parent crows. The crows do realize that it is not their baby, but still feed it. They start hating the young one only when it starts coooo-cooo-ing unlike their kaw-kwas. By then the young one would have grown enough to fly off and join its group. The story repeats again when the little one grows up when it again finds another crow nest to lay eggs.
Facts Courtesy: KP Poornachandra Tejaswi’s MinchuLLi

The “Who gives a S***!” attitude

When this new lead joined our team a few months ago, we were all quite shocked to get used to his way of talking. His talk would be full of ‘French and Latin’, as he calls it! And being in a conservative environment earlier, we’d all feel quite uncomfortable listening to him use words like sh** so many times in every sentence.... his favorite one being “Who gives a Sh**!” And he being our lead, and having no issues with him in any other way, all we could do was to get used to it.

Well, now after all these months, we’ve got so used to it, it’s no longer a weird statement for us. On the contrary, it is one of our ‘well-being mantras’. Yeah, seriously! This “Who gives a Sh**” attitude comes as a savior, at least to me when I’m on the verge of breaking out or breaking down. I just tell myself this mantra, and off I am, back in my safe state.

Of course, it’s not been easy to adopt this attitude, especially for some extra-sensitive people like me, but a little bit of practice is what it takes to change our attitude. Good thing is that I’ve taught Dee also this, and he too is picking up. And at least this way, I mostly avoid going deep into depression and striving hard to get out of it.

Now, this mantra comes to my rescue in many situations like when someone’s trying to put me down, or get me into a verbal war or try to intentionally or unintentionally hurt me, try to demand too much of me or go on complaining endlessly, treat me with no concern and many more. Of course this should be carefully applied and can not be and should not be applied to people who really really are concerned about you! And beware, apply it only when you know you are right.

Shocked and don’t like this new, completely opposite attitude of mine?
Well, who gives a Sh**!

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

Today is the same as yesterday, tomorrow will be the same as today. Everyday seems just the same, identical to its previous day and next day. The more I look forward to a change, the probability of it gets lesser. The closer I feel I am, the farther it appears to move. There were times when I had dreaded change, but now I’m just longing for one. The more things I do to wade away the monotony, all those things start becoming monotonous.

The hope that a new year is a new beginning or that a new month brings in a change or that a new week would be different from the previous is all just a mere hope. It might take ages in reality. But I’m sure one day things will change, and for good..... dreaming of things that I’m awaiting for everyday makes the wait easier. As long as the dream itself has not become one boring part, there is color in life.......

P.S. - Well, on second thoughts, life has not become that boring too..... but still, it is monotonous enough for me to go ahead and post this :)

If...

If only you were here today...

You’d have seen all the things
That you had always longed to;
You’d have had all those things,
And done all those things
That you’d wanted, and beyond.

You could have seen
All your hard work pay off.
You’d be so proud of
Your own self and your dearest ones

If only you were here today,
You’d be turning another year older
And we’d be celebrating it
With you in great joy

Though you are not here with us
I’m sure in every step of ours,
You’re watching and guiding us.....
Whatever be it, the fact is that
It’s not the same as you being here....

If only you were here today...
Our life would have been
So different and pleasant

A flashback into 2009

It’s another New Year, and strangely this time, I’m not feeing anything new, with the New Year!
Still, would like to come up with a high level report of the year, to look back after a few years!

January was not so good, with Dee meeting with a small accident and having an ankle sprain. Then came some unexpected, shocking uncertainties at his work place. That was followed by some more, shocking uncertainties at my workplace! The economic slowdown had kind of hit our company too.

In spite of these, or rater due to these, we just wanted to take a break, and early February, headed for a trip to the beautiful backwaters of Kerala – Alleppey and Ashtamudi. Had a wonderful break from all the tensions.

March was mostly uneventful, except for Dee confirming his booking for Sarpass trek and me cribbing about it!

April started with some disappointments and continued to be not so great, with hardly any peace of mind. Dee left to Sarpass, and I went to Ooty with mom and sis and had a good time.
Spent early May waiting for his return, and then the rest of the month just flew off, happily.

Went on a driving trip with 2 more cousins to historical places – Belur, Halebidu, Dwarasamudra, Doddagaddavalli – admiring the monuments of Hoysala dynasty.

July was pretty much occupied with some medical treatments, and some poojas – the typical Shravana maasa!

Another short and tiring trip to Dee’s grandma’s place in August, followed by more festivals!

September was quite eventful, with our Dasara preparations, and an unexpected 15 km leechy trek in Bedaguli forest range with Dee’s team. I was so glad that I could trek as I had not been on a single proper trek with Dee so far, due to my repeated ligament injuries.

October was a super busy month, starting with a trip to Wayanad, Dee’s trip to North Karnataka for flood relief work, my preparations for wedding anniversary gifts for him, followed by the trip of the year – a beach resort in Pondicherry to end the month.

November also had another disappointment and a trip with inlaws to Coorg :)

And December too had an unexpected trip in store – a one day visit to Shimoga to attend a wedding. Followed by year end vacation, during which 4 days was spent at mom’s place and another trip to end the year at Agumbe.

Whew! That’s quite a number of trips last year!!! Anyways.... Enjoy life to the fullest, travel as much as possible was the mantra of 2009 :)

Let’s see what’s in store in 2010......

Wish you all a Happy and Prosperous New Year 2010.