Varför???

This was in the initial days of my Swedish classes. There were people from countries across the world enrolled and we were all getting to know each other.

The first few days went in learning the usual questions and answers for the same like

- What is  your name?

- Where do you come from?

- Where do you stay? and so on.

And then it progressed to 

- How old are you?

- Are you married?

- Do you have kids? 

- How many siblings? and so on

And after that came more details on Question words. And some in the class who did not know English and us who did not know their language were all conversing in sign languages and in the bare minimum Svenska we had learnt till then. And there were a host of mistakes we did, especially with the confusing question words - using something for something else, others not understanding sometimes and correcting at other times.

So this girl from the class, from some middle eastern country knew very little English and was at our table talking something. From the class of previous days, we'd learnt each others' age and marital status. And apparently she was barely 19 and was pregnant. 

The first question she had for all of us is how many kids each of us had. Not many in the group had kids and well, we were all elder than her. She went on asking each one the same question and got her response. And when I said I still didn't have kids, her next question was 'Varför?' [means 'Why?']

Given our little knowledge of Svenska, we all assumed that she is asking the wrong question, may be she meant to ask something else. Someone asked her what was her question and she repeated 'Varför?' 

This was a common question that comes from a super-inquisitive 'ajji' or 'aunty' or so from where I come from. But I had been glad about people not asking about your personal life here. Thank goodness I was not the only one who was shocked at this question! 

After a few moments of recovery I got back my balance and asked her back 'Varför?' She didn't understand what I meant. Then i made myself clear why she wanted to know about it! That confused her enough while the rest of them were giggling about my response! And when she asked the next few people the same question, she was smart enough not to ask 'Varför?' again! And they almost thanked  me for saving them from having to face that embarrassing question!

The others, who have become quite good friends now, laugh at that incident even till date!

PS: This was written and saved as drafts sometime last year and i had totally forgotten to post it... Here it is now... after i have a baby!

‘Weight’age

BIL’s wedding just got over last week. And time for another wedding - sis’s.

I was supposed to reduce a couple of kilos before the wedding. Not that I’m obese, just a couple of kilos of shed-able weight, that’s all! But just as I started back my exercise regime, there were some unforeseen situations that weight loss was the last thing I could think of.

House repainting was just about to get over, with all the mess from attic down on the floor in all the rooms, which did require all our attention. Just then there was MIL falling off a bike and breaking her nose and jaw and getting admitted to hospital twice including for a minor surgery, four weeks before her son’s wedding…. And so the wedding work - like inviting ppl and other stuff got doubled up and was topped with the hospital work and also everyday cooking work, till she felt better. Now, all these including our regular office work.

For me all these were definitely on a much higher priority as compared to losing those extra couple of kilos. Well, I don’t mean I’m not bothered about it, but then, though I might not absolutely like it, looking a little plump in the wedding is actually ok for me, given these circumstances.

While most of the relatives complimented that I looked good, one colleague who is obsessed with just looking slim made comments after comments that I looked fat. May be a darker coloured saree would have made me look thinner, maybe I should have worked out more, maybe I should have stretched and bent just before the occasion and so on…

When I looked at my own pic later, I felt I did look plumper than usual, but the reason why most people said I looked good was probably because they gave more weightage to the way I had been handling things, my behaviour and the way I treat them all gracefully, rather than just my actual weight :).

As far as I am concerned, I’m happy with my prioritization, I’m glad that everything went on well, in spite of all the tensions there were, and I looked and behaved my best, which I what most people and myself will remember about me. Very few people will remember the little fat here and there and that is ok!

That said, I don’t mean I’ll not reduce :D

So... what's your weight-age??

Old friends and Unforgotten Gifts!

Recently I found an old good friend on Facebook. Apparently she had recently joined FB and I had found her with some difficulty. The last we had spoken to each other was about 4-5 years ago, though I’d remember quite often.

So when I pinged her, here was the exchange of messages we had...

Me: Hi Nxxxx! How are you doing?? Hope u remember me...

She: Very happy to see your note Sumxxx... xxxxxxxxxxx... Ofcouse I do remember you... I still use your Bon voyage key chain... Do you recall giving that to me when I left to US?

Me: Xxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxx, xxxxxxxxxxxx
I don't remember the key chain, but was happy about that! Well, I too am still using the hair clip you had bought for me and Hema in Seoul!

She: I forgot about the hair clip... but happy you are using it... xxxxxxxxxxxxxx... let me know your number... lets talk sometime.

Well, she had bought me and another friend a hair clip each and I still have treasured it. Whenever I use it, I mention it to D about her! And apparently I had bought her a key chain which she too is using! Both of us remembered the gifts we had got, but had forgotten the ones that we had given!

Isn’t it good to count your gifts?

‘Adult’erated!

This was about a year ago. As soon as we returned home we were told that the main valve from the tank had been closed as a tap had broken outside. There was no water at home and this had to be fixed immediately. When asked as to what happened, nobody seemed to know what had happened. May be some street boys had come over to steal the tap, may be it was too weak and broke itself and so on.

Fine, we had to fix it first, rather than needing to find out how it happened. Went about, got a new tap and D fixed it himself. All this while, Hima, who was watching us fix, came over and said,

“Atte, Hima was playing in the evening with water, she wanted to water the plants. After that Hima tried to close the tap and it came off. Hima’s clothes were all wet. She got scared because she’d get scoldings”.

Yeah, she’d call herself as Hima.

She even gave us a demo of how it had happened!

We both gave her a hug and a peck on her cheek. Told her that it was ok to make mistakes; everybody did. And that she was a ‘good girl’ because she told the truth and admitted it. She was rewarded with a candy.

Why can’t we adults have such honesty? And the ability to admit our flaws? Why are we always thinking of covering up our faults?

People Change, don't they?

People Change, with time, don't they?

Me, you, he, she, there is no one who doesn't change.

Of course change is an essential and integral part of our lives, but why is it that sometimes it gets so difficult to accept those?

Why is it that we tend to continue to have the same kind of expectations that we had a long long ago.... and when the expectations are not met, we brood over it!

More than change in circumstances, it is the change in people's attitude that hurts bothers me more. How right is it to be goody-goody When you are in need, and to have a 'i don't care' attitude when you don't?

Ok... so there were some posts in draft versions that i had started off in the past few week and left it unfinished just because i didn't feel like completing and posting... Today, when i looked back i felt like posting one of them as it was, rather than just discarding it! I didn't even feel like continuing it as the feeling when i wrote it is no longer applicable now :), but posted it anyways!

The “Who gives a S***!” attitude

When this new lead joined our team a few months ago, we were all quite shocked to get used to his way of talking. His talk would be full of ‘French and Latin’, as he calls it! And being in a conservative environment earlier, we’d all feel quite uncomfortable listening to him use words like sh** so many times in every sentence.... his favorite one being “Who gives a Sh**!” And he being our lead, and having no issues with him in any other way, all we could do was to get used to it.

Well, now after all these months, we’ve got so used to it, it’s no longer a weird statement for us. On the contrary, it is one of our ‘well-being mantras’. Yeah, seriously! This “Who gives a Sh**” attitude comes as a savior, at least to me when I’m on the verge of breaking out or breaking down. I just tell myself this mantra, and off I am, back in my safe state.

Of course, it’s not been easy to adopt this attitude, especially for some extra-sensitive people like me, but a little bit of practice is what it takes to change our attitude. Good thing is that I’ve taught Dee also this, and he too is picking up. And at least this way, I mostly avoid going deep into depression and striving hard to get out of it.

Now, this mantra comes to my rescue in many situations like when someone’s trying to put me down, or get me into a verbal war or try to intentionally or unintentionally hurt me, try to demand too much of me or go on complaining endlessly, treat me with no concern and many more. Of course this should be carefully applied and can not be and should not be applied to people who really really are concerned about you! And beware, apply it only when you know you are right.

Shocked and don’t like this new, completely opposite attitude of mine?
Well, who gives a Sh**!

Come home sometime....

There was this aunty who lived in our locality, a little away from our home. Her son was my school mate and Ma and she had met a couple of times at school and had got befriended. In the evenings when I and Ma used to go for a walk, we’d pass by their home. If she’s out at that time, she’d stop us for a chat. The talkative lady that she was, she would not let us leave for a long time, talking this and that. But strangely, she would not welcome us inside so that we could sit and talk.

After a few attempts of trying to end the conversation, finally when we set out to leave from there, she always had this comment, “Please do come home sometime, when you pass by this side”. We’d say “Sure!” and walk off from there and have a hearty laugh! This used to be a regular scene, and I used to make fun with mom, and remind her that “We should go to her house sometime, when we’re passing that way”! And it never happened. Every time we’re there, she’ll never invite us in, and at the end she’d say her usual dialogue. After a few years, she had shifted from that place and heard nothing of her.

I was pleasantly surprised a few days back when I was returning from office, and I see that same aunty, of course a little older now, in front of a house. I stopped by and talked to her, and learnt that she lived here now, very near my new home. And again she never asked me in, and when I set out from there after talking for a while, it was her usual dialogue that made me smile – “Do come home sometime, when you’re passing by this side”!!!

How I wanted to tell her that I do pass by the same road everyday, and yet I do not want to go to her house!!!